Thursday, November 25, 2004

Happy Day, Turkey!

Happy Day, Turkey!
25 November 2004

Happy Thanksgiving to all. The Dining Facility had a very nice spread today. Depending on which chow hall you attended, different things were offered. In the big one, carts were pushed around and alcohol-free wine was dispensed. They also had ice sculptures and carved food items as Indians and Pilgrims, and other assorted things. Very nice cake displays and baked bread displays too. Lunch and dinner included turkey, lobster, turkey, steaks, turkey, pork, and the regular host of other Thanksgiving-type foods. Way too much food, but very nice.

The beginning of the week started off with a bang--literally. Sunday night and Monday night we had rocket attacks for about 45 to 50 minutes of about 20-25 rockets each night. Some exploded still in the sky above the camp. No injuries, but one female latrine trailer was hit by stray stuff. As I've said before, rockets have a bit more range and are a bit louder than the mortars, so to say that a few people were a bit shaken up would be an understatement.

Wednesday morning, Dan left for Kuwait a bit ahead of his contract completion date. Guess he'd had enough after the two nights before. Not to worry, the right strings have been pulled for him and he will be fitted with a position in Kuwait for the remainder of his contract. It's all who ya know and who ya...well we'll let you fill in the rest! I just think it sucks that the rest of us worthless slobs DO actually stay here and "butch it out" or else lose our bonus' and forfeit our completion of contract money, while the pansy-asses with managment connections can run away and get fitted for a nice, safe, cushy job down in Kuwait. It's nice that they are accommodated, but then what is the reward for those that are honoring their contract? 'Nuf said about that!

Tuesday morning started the US Army and Iraqi Army attack of the insurgents in South Baghdad, so they have been really quiet since then.

Got a couple of great porta-potty stories that'll give ya a tickle! One of the guys that I work with, Steve was pulling up his breeches the other week and his Leatherman (a multi-purpose tool that attaches to your belt that can cost anywhere from $60-$100) came loose and went *plunk* into the opening below. Well, he surveys the situation and determines that it has landed (imagine this, like the Crown Jewels in London basking in white light from above and resting on white velvet), which of course, is on top of the heap which is topped off with his own toilet paper that only touched his hiney. Phew! Lucky break. (Now this is of course how it is being described to us) So he reaches in (with an Hallelujah chior singing behind as if he has found and retrieved the Holy Grail) and plucks up his lost Leatherman off the top of this heap and puts it back in its case on his beltloop.

Next day he's telling us about his lucky break and he's leading us to believe that no harm was done, and that this thing never even came close to touching the dreaded blue depths of the porta-pottie and it's contents (hold back your gag reflex just a bit longer!). Well, a more trained eye would beg to differ, but...a more sensitive and understanding listener (which Miss Manners would be proud of) didn't dare contradict Mr. Steve's observations (that it never touched the water or any other contents, for that matter). However, the giveaway was the blue marks on this pants from where the Leatherman rubbed afterwards!

Which, of course brings me to my harrowing experience last night. I bought this great LED laser flashlight that is the size of a pen for $10 last week. It gives off a great, sharp white light, fits right into the little zipper pocket in my ID holder and is great for porta-pottie adventures. But wait, there's more: it has a little knob on top that is perfect for holding between your teeth so you can see where you're aiming and not hosing down the walls!

Unfortunately, when I go to button up these damned button-up 501's, I couldn't see around my coat and leaned forward trying to find the buttons and my mouth opens... just a bit. DOH!! Sure enough, the light falls out of my mouth and like a gumball in one of those machines with the race-tracks, the light falls, clunk-clunk into the urnal (just as I'm deciding whether or not to reach in for it, or whether or not it is even worth salvaging out of a urnal) then, clunk,clunk, plunk down through the tube from the urnal and into the deep blue depths of the porta-pottie.

I look into the big hole and sure enough, everything down below (sorry, I didn't want to go there) is basking in the brightly lit crisp blue LED light of my little pocket flashlight! It almost reminded me of the beautiful blue waters of Cancun without the sand and other "floaties". I'm imagining my hand with a permanent blue stain resembling a blue glove up to my wrist as I'm trying to fish out my little flashlight. Nope, I'm not fishing it out now!

With that, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving!!
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