Sunday, January 30, 2005

Geraldo. Live. From Baghdad.

30 January 2005

Geraldo. Live. From Baghdad.

It’s been so long since I’ve done any regular writing about this backwater place that we call home, I’ve forgotten to mention some of the happenings lately. Geraldo arrived amid much (self-created) fanfare (again) last week. You do remember that he is one of my favorite self-important, self-obsessed, news-wienies? We are trying to decide if he is here 1) because he just found out that there is a locked safe in the bunker at Al Faw Palace belonging to Saddam here on Camp Victory, 2) To cover the historic openings of both a Subway Sandwich Shop AND a Pizza Hut Carry-out here on Camp Victory, 3) To cover the bad drainage issue due to the inch of rain we had last week creating massive mud puddles all over Camp Victory, or 4) To cover the upcoming elections in Iraq. My money is on number 1. Although he and Jerry Springer have pretty much cornered the market on number 2, and we ain’t talking Super Supreme pizza’s here…maybe bologna sandwiches – extra meat.

So the buzz all around base from the mid-shifters was that at 0530am, Geraldo was in the chow hall for breakfast (if that isn’t indigestion in the making) working on finding something to interview anyone about. Chris came back from the chow hall and tells me to just look for the dweeb in the cowboy hat, boots and strange-ass clothes. I guess he didn’t want to be mistaken for a civilian…although KBR/Haliburton has hired so many people from Houston that cowboy boots and ten-gallon hats are not out of the ordinary around here (just when worn by non-Texan, eastern, yankee idiots trying to stand out in the crowd. I can call him an eastern yankee idiot...I'm from Chicago and admit to being at least a yankee! Ya are what ya are Blanche.)

Other things that have drawn my attention away from all the Geraldo excrement, er… excitement; I’m in the bathroom stall in the bathroom trailer near my humble abode and noticing that some idiot has poked (probably the end of their weapon) through the thin plastic stall walls in two places on both sides of the stall wall, exposing the Styrofoam insulation. You know, it’s not enough that we put up with the improvised Biblical prophasies, graffiti (some of which is rather humorous) and personal short calendars on the walls. Still, can’t see any reason that they have to rip the place up too.

As I’m washing my hands at the sink, a guy had walked in and looked at me oddly. He says to me, “Don’t know if you know it, but last night while I was standing in front of the sink where you are, a sniper bullet came through the wall in those first two stalls. It passed through the wall of the first stall, into the second stall and the bullet just dropped near my feet, burning a spot in the floor. Next time, you might want to move down a few stalls, just in case.” He went on to explain that he had heard that a sniper from the mosque towers on the other side of the wall were aiming at someone at the medical clinic which is only about three hundred feet away and apparently missed and overshot it's intended target.

I guess the bathrooms and mosques are held in the same respect here, even by the locals. See I told you they were probably using those minarets from the mosque and aiming at Victory for target practice. Sorry, but maybe we ought to be flattening that mosque for our own safety. If you’re going to use it as a military (insurgent) resource, it is now considered a military target. No ifs ands or buts about it. Now try to convince us that the imams don’t know and condone what is going on in their own mosques.
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