Sunday, May 08, 2005

Happy Ma's Day

08 May 2005

Being back in the good ole U.S. of A., one would think that you're just about safe from everything. Not so! Of course the threat from mortars, rockets and snipers aren't present here, but you still have your old blue-haired grannies to worry about. Just when you thought that you knew your biggest states-side threats were drug dealers, skin-head punks with facial jewelry and pickpockets; granny rears her big ugly blue hair!

This morning I'm out on my run at 07:30 and having a nice leisurly run out on the open farm roads with no vehicles in site and the birds just churping away. Not a worry in the world. The sun is out, it's about 58 degrees and a slight wind at about 10 mph; what better running conditions can one ask for?

Little did I know that lerking down around the bend ahead of me on the rolling cornfields there is a car; the first one since I hit Mount Hunger Road this morning. As the car approaches closer, the driver is hugging the gravel on the roadside where I'm running and starting to bear down on me like Cruella DeVille. Finally, as the maroon '79 Buick gets within 20 feet of me, this hellbent, blue-haired, nearly senile, granny about 80 years old turns the wheel ever-so-slightly to just miss catching me with her rearview mirror! Not a car, truck or horse on the road and this roadhogging motherf (oops, sorry for the Freudian keystroke) damned near runs me down like she's trying to pick up the ten pin for a spare! Any closer to the end of the road and she'd of run off into the ditch with me as her hood ornament.

Don't know who peed in her cornflakes this morning, but I guess I should count my blessings that I'm sitting in front of my computer right now and not in the ditch on grannies '79 Buick as her hood ornament. Maybe she was preoccupied with getting to church to make coffee; who knows. It was only this last December that Phil witnessed a guy get run over at Mount Hunger Road and Rt 23. The woman claims that she didn't see the guy sprawled out in the middle of the street. But with the street lamp at that corner and a 40 mph speed limit, she'd of had to have been talking on the phone or asleep at the wheel to not see a human being in the roadway. I'd say that Mount Hunger is becoming a bit more dangerous as Sycamore experiences "ring around the collar counties sprawl" (as the growth out to DeKalb county has been quoted in this mornings Chicago Tribune story.)

Anyway, got things to do today. Hope all you mothers have a great day!
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