Thursday, December 29, 2005

Ho, Ho, Oh, Never Mind

27 December 2005

A very belated Merry Christmas to everyone. Sorry, this year I just kind of lost the spirit. Back at home, I’m normally a Christmas FREAK. But this year, as the Big Day approached, I kept on expecting those magical feelings which make you tingle from your head to toe, but they just never arrived. No hankering for listening to Christmas music, no Charlie Brown Christmas Tree, no tinsel, no lights, no ho, ho, ho.

It wasn’t exactly a “Bah, hum bug!” feeling, but more a “yeah, so what” feeling. After talking with my sister Deb, we kind of figured it out. When I went home over Thanksgiving, Deb and Mark came into Chicago and we all got together with my other sister, niece and nephews and did the Christmas Thing on the Friday after Turkey Day. So I guess we just ended up with Holiday Hangover since we already did our Christmas three weeks earlier.

‘Course, I did end up over the week of Christmas watching the traditional Scrooge (1951), Christmas Carol (1938 and my personal fav, finally new on DVD this year!!Whoo-hoo!!), It’s a Wonderful Life, Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer and Call Me Claus (with Whoopie). So I did get some kind of a Christmas fix during the week, but the magic just wasn’t there.

I even had a nice turkey dinner with all the sides at the chow hall, but it just never clicked. It’s funny, cuz I was here last year for Christmas and last year I was bouncing off the walls. So if the cranberries didn’t do it for me, it must have been the early celebration. That’s all I have to blame it on.

But here’s a real Christmas story that will warm your heart. I was coming back from Christmas dinner and came upon the busiest intersection on base. A military SUV is stopped at the stop sign about three feet from the curb of this narrow street. The E5 or E6 who was driving it is standing next to some poor specialist on a bicycle who is getting his butt chewed out royally and getting his name, rank, serial number, commander’s name, etc taken down to add further insult to injury at a later time. His crime, you ask? To start with, he was stupid. But to be more specific, he was riding his bike at night with no light and with headphones on.

Now I know that doesn’t sound criminal to you, but in the military, it’s almost as naughty as smoking and walking in uniform, except it is more dangerous because you can’t hear the traffic around you to know your surroundings. But, that isn’t the tickler here. While this butt muncher of an E5 or E6 is screaming at this poor specialist, a convoy of six or so Humvees pulls up behind his vehicle.

The guy in the turret of the lead Humvee is yelling down at the bonehead MP to move his vehicle; he is blocking a convoy. Well, not to be outyelled, the bonehead MP yells back (and you can hear him down the block at this point!) “Go Around!!!” To which turretman yells, “Move your vehicle!!” “Go Around!!!” “Move your vehicle!!” “Go Around!!”

Well, the frickin convoy can’t go around because the right turn the six Humvees need to make past his vehicle is too tight to squeeze by the oncoming traffic at the other corner. I suppose they could have continued their debate eternally because we all know at this point this MP has the smarts of that vat of Christmas mashed potatoes that I opted not to have back at the chow hall.

I’d still like to know what the final outcome was of that poor specialist. I wonder if they crucified him for Boxing Day on the 26th.
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