Thursday, January 04, 2007

New Year’s Resolutions

01 January 2007

The arm is doing better, so maybe it isn't as bad as I first thought. Certain extensions of the arm hurt when turned or extended, but overall, not too bad. Still hurts and is swollen and tender in the center opposite the elbow, but I have pretty good movement so I’ll stop belly-aching, okay? Counting my blessings has got to be one of my new resolutions. Still think that it’s a miracle that I didn't break any bones the way I landed. Poor guardian angels I landed on must have taken a real beating though!

The group had their normal Sunday gathering at Ba Ba’s to ring in the New Year. I didn't stay but an hour after work and was in bed well before midnight. I have just been worn out lately. Then, just as I was dropping off to sleep at around 2350, I got woke up by the "Big Voice" early warning system. "Incoming, Incoming, Incoming! Incoming, Incoming, Incoming!"

Helluva way to start the New Year, wouldn’t you say? Turned out to be a false alarm, but it takes another few minutes to fall back to sleep after it bellows two sets of, "Incoming, Incoming, Incoming!" and then a couple of minutes later, "All Clear, All Clear, All Clear". Bet you don't hear that in your neighborhood at New Years!

Speaking of resolutions, I have a joke for the diet resolution group. I know you've read this before, as have I, but it just seems appropriate to start the new year off with a diet thing.....

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Science Diet for my dog Cayenne - and
was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a
dog........Duh!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The
Science Diet diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the
hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in
both arms.

Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the
bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an
easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or
purse with Science Diet nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel
hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going
to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital?

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my privates when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
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