Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Drama Alert!!!

26 January 2009

What a day! All drama, all day and it was ALL about the LT (pronounced el tee for all you non-military types.) Let me introduce her to you for starters. She is a very nice, petite Italian-American 23 year old former Miss Unnamed-Small-East-Coast-State that I’ll leave unnamed for now and has been in the Army for three years. I’d be the first to admit that professionally she has her act together, but as a young woman it is ALL about her…and today was no exception.

So when I came into work this morning, I’ll concede that she was a bit stuffed-up sounding in the nasal passages, but the oh-woe-is-me sighs every fifteen minutes with that little groany moan was overdoing it just a little bit. But...then came the explanation of why she was stuffy.

“Well, this morning I was like out running out by the General’s quarters and two helo’s came in low and like purposely kicked up dust as they were like landing on the pads across from the General’s quarters. Well! All that dust just has me like so stuffed up now, I just can’t breath and like my face feels swollen and my sinuses are like just so clogged up, and I just feel so miserable (and I hope you’re feeling as miserable or worse listening to me, as I feel). But when I got up to the pad, like I saw that I knew the pilots and they just thought it was so funny to kick up all that dust since they knew me and recognized me running.”

And she didn’t just tell me, she proceeded to tell every object living and not that passed the desk, so I got to hear the story about thirty times over about five hours. But then, disaster struck again. Upon returning in the truck from building 17, she realized that she had just lost her new preppy reading glasses. Admittedly, they were stylish, but she loses things all the time, so it really wasn’t something that I’d consider a national catastrophe that she’s misplaced or lost these glasses that she’d only had two days.

Then if we (I use the collective term, because when SHE is miserable, we all have to be miserable and having a “bad day”), disaster struck yet again. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, lightening can strike twice in the same place! OMG, Miss Chicklette Teeth has split one of the beautiful stick-on teeth that Donald Trump supposedly paid for when she entered into the Miss America Pageant having won the Miss Unnamed-Small-East-Coast-State.

I will have you know that it was at this point in the afternoon, the clocks all stopped. Former Miss Unnamed-Small-East-Coast-State about had a meltdown that her sparkly-white Chicklette tooth was split in half! I mean, OMG, she hadn’t even received the replacement crown that came loose only a month ago that she ended up swallowing when she tripped over a curb while chewing gum!

Now I’m sure that I don’t need to even tell you the fun we had with that one. Someone asked if she was monitoring her “output” to retain the crown to have it put back in. You just don’t want to know the horror on her face at THAT suggestion…or the tears in our eyes as we discussed the possibility of a one-toothed Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo, coming out with one big-old “teefer” and singing All I Want For Christmas Is My One Front Tooth!

So now we have the LT holding and covering with her little finger like Mike Meyers in Goldfinger to protect our possibly-horror-filled eyes from the sight of the dangling Chicklette which has split in two, rushing around and trying to find someone with a vehicle to take her to the dentist to have her Humpty-Dumpty broken stick-on-tooth pasted back onto her real tooth which we can only speculate was probably discolored from tea, coffee and blueberry pie as a child…long before her participating as Miss Unnamed-Small-East-Coast-State in the Miss America Pageant.

Senior Chief (Navy Sr Chief—we work in a blended office since we operate in a Joint Forces Environment) volunteers to take her with their vehicle, “but I want to see it! Can I see it?!” Her almost-Shakespearean response is,” No, no one may see it. (Woe is me, I’m doomed!) I just have to get to the dentist, NOW!” What, are we going to turn to stone if we catch a glimpse of her damaged grill?! Gimme a break.

As sweet as she is, you’ll have to admit that she is rather “high maintenance” so to speak. Okay, she might be compared to say Zsa Zsa Gabor without the bitch-slapping of the cop incident, because the LT knows how to get her way and respects authority.

So it was a fun day all in all. Where else could we get so much entertainment squeezed into a 12-hour day? Well, this was just one full day of drama and I am absolutely beat. Sitting next to that woman will do you in. She is admittedly cute, sweet, infectious, but very high-maintenance and will one day make some lucky guy a very miserable and hen-pecked wretch, now won’t she?
So the question is did she find a dentist to her standards to fix her tooth from Mr Rich?
Yep, old snaggletooth got to the dentist on Liberty and her Humpty-Dumpty tooth got glued back to her formerly blueberry, coffee and tea-stained original tooth below. A happy ending for all!
I will wait for the next round outta her...she sounds wonderful!!
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